Day 53 A letter to my husband- ... and a preface... Marriages are inherently private. Our marriage has seen the best of times and the worst of times. There were days when the both of us were not sure we would see another week or month or year together. Somehow, through
Day 52 Some days, I just want to forget.. escape. I don't want to write about my struggle, or talk to people about why I don't have hair. Sometimes, I just want to pretend that life is normal and that I am ok. It's denial, I guess. Just part of
Day 49 It was the night of Merus' Christmas program. I got home in plenty of time. I had time to get on the treadmill and walk and sweat. I had the girls' dresses steamed and mine hung up and ready. I had time for a shower and make-up and
Day 47 Tuesday. I was supposed to go over to St Louis today for Vit C, and as it turns out, the nurse who gives me my infusions got the flu, so I had a free day. I took Merus to school, then came home and snuggled with the girls
Day 46 The blues... sometimes, when you HAVE the blues, things are sad. That is how I feel these first few days after chemo... sad, lonely, empty, blue, raw, washed out... but this picture, from our trip to the beach this past August, this picture CELEBRATES the blue of the
Day 45 Since I have my chemo on Thursdays, typically Sunday is my worst day. Thursday is fine... I am loaded up with anti-nausea meds. Friday, the meds are still lingering and I am taking the steroids. Saturday, this time, I was flushed and hot and felt crazy... and my
Day 43 This is my third go-round with this chemotherapy business... and just as terrifying and worrisome that first time was, this time, it was easy peasy. No worries, no surprises. I even brought a craft to do.... and did about 10 minutes of it before I fell fast asleep
Day 42 I have resisted and RESISTED posting a pic of my head without hair. I refuse to shave... I only have wisps now, but they are MY wisps and they keep me warmer with the hats.... (that is my excuse, I think) This is so hard for me to
Day 41 It's the day before chemo. I have been taking my meds, doing my bowel regimen. I have my bag packed and a gift for my sweet fellow chemo friend, Karen. I have books to read, a craft to do, gum to chew, my music to listen to. I
Day 40 Dear, dear sweet Merus~ There are not enough words for me right now. It seems, as the days march on, my temper flares and my feelings are raw and often, I get tired and I just feel like I cannot offer you the good mothering that I once