Day 3
I am awoken by my husband, running water in the bath tub. The monitor was never turned on and in the middle of the night, I nearly jumped out of bed, worrying about the kids. But alas, they are at Grandma's and I was able to ease back into bed and sleep again.
It's 8:30 am and I am writing here and sitting in bed and enjoying the sun beams, streaming down and making the sideways morning light.
I am checking myself. No sores, maybe a little nausea, no dizziness. My face still feels hot and is a little red, probably from the sauna and steam shower last night. I am thirsty still. My body feels quiet. I think that is ok.
I still marvel at the fact that I am now a cancer patient. I still don't understand how it happened. I know, there is a statistic... one in eight. But I was not ill, or unhealthy... well, maybe a little unhealthy, but I was strong. I could walk and stand all day, I did not smoke. I drank only rarely and was a grateful person for the gifts I have in life. I know when all is done, I will most likely be grateful for what cancer has given me and done for the richness of this life - but I surely would never have chosen this path.
Today, I will go walking in the morning. I think I might clean my closet or sell some little girls' clothes. Today, I will be grateful for little blessings, like no nausea and no mouth sores. Today, I will fill my body with healthy food and I will CONSCIOUSLY stop grinding and gritting my teeth with worry. Today, I will be aware of all that is beautiful in this world... including the kindess of others, the autumn leaves swirling down to the ground in the breeze, the sunshine lighting up the world and the slowly spinning Earth, rotating its way to winter.
Winter will be a hibernation time for me this year. I will be hiding my head and working my body to health. I will be grateful every day for life and I will surely be practicing thankfulness. I know the path I must take and I am happy to be underway. When spring comes, it will truly be a new beginning for me, with a whole new life and perspective... or at least, that is how I see it now.
So off I go, into today... one baby step at a time.