A.C.- October Funk

I am in a funk… Mornings are difficult and I can barely get everybody dressed without tears from one child or another… Or myself. I inevitably forget to bring down the socks or feed the dog or fix the children breakfast. I press snooze one ( 8!) too many times every morning. I am never on time. I look in the mirror and I see a wild-haired woman with bags under my eyes and a too fluffy middle and a chest that is unfamiliar… I get sad and miss my pre-cancer body- ( even though it was never perfect, it was all mine and not lumpy and foreign). My body never before made me fearful. I am still angry about the change that was forced upon me… I am not "over it".
I am so aware of so many of my failures right now. I have no idea why the little things seem like giant things today.… But I am just sad. I guess sadness is allowed in the post cancer life, but it frustrates me. I am generally happy and I seek out happiness and peace and joy and serenity and laughter. I feel brittle, stretched thin. Like even when I smile, my face is tight and not relaxed.
Time passes… This too, shall pass. I will find my path and I know I will feel like me again someday. I am just weary of the struggle today. I feel like I need to hibernate for a while, but clearly, that is not an option in my world. So I write. I make it through the day and try not to shout at my children for something that is not their fault. I hug them tight and thank the Lord for the blessings that they are in my life. I pat my silly dog on the head and I kiss my husband good night and I pray that I can continue to live a long, long life.
I wash my hair with my fancy shampoo and I wake up in the morning to do it all again.
Life is so good. Some days, the goodness is just hidden by a cloud. I will be patient and wait for my cloud to pass.🌸